Thank God I’m Alive

I’ve fallen in love with a song.

Bat For Lashes – Lilies

It’s been a while since I’ve fallen for something. In a time in my life when I’m working on changing so many things about me, this warms me.

I’ve always been one to fall deeply and madly in love. Guitar. Writing. Smashing Pumpkins. Criminal profiling. Science. It was a huge part of who I was growing up. Whatever I fell for was who I became. And as I fell for the next thing, I kept the bits of who I used to be that I liked. I am and always have been an amalgam of everything I have ever loved.

And I’ve been so god damn scared lately that I’ve been losing that.
Afraid that I’m losing my sense of wonder, the passion that has made me who I am, by ability to fall in love with a song or a field of study or a story or a person or a moment.

But here I am.

And I’ve fallen for a song, among other things.

I thought passion was a thing that degenerated over time, like vertebrae or tooth enamel, eroded by cynicism and blunt force failure. But now I’m starting to think of it as a personality trait instead – something that can be nurtured and grown.

There’s so much ugliness in the world, it’s easy for small moments of beauty to be overwhelmed. And there’s so much fucking beauty out there if can get your head out of your own ass long enough to look for it. There’s biology and pyhysics and chemistry and stop motion animation and psychology and electric giraffes named Russell. Sometimes people even write songs, make videos and put them on the internet.

I guess the point of this post is that I’m glad I’m alive to post weird videos I find on the internet here for you in the hopes that none of us give up.

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